I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
