Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
