I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
