i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
