he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
