We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
