Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
