I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
