i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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