i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
