I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you traded sex for a burrito?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
