yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize