Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize