i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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