If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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