If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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