Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
