White coat. Heels.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow