i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.