woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
