Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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(516): Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke. http://tfl.nu/6p0l

Replies (8) Good night (844) Bad night (2060)
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(630): View more from Illinois

we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple

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(630): we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple http://tfl.nu/8ojo

Replies (60) Good night (921) Bad night (6286)
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(974): View more from

You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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(974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6

Replies (28) Good night (8038) Bad night (989)
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(602): View more from Arizona

i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

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(602): i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule. http://tfl.nu/edaa

Replies (10) Good night (4281) Bad night (2562)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.

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(401): you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it. http://tfl.nu/ggt5

Replies (11) Good night (4599) Bad night (1447)
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(513): View more from Ohio

They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

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(513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3

Replies (32) Good night (2460) Bad night (6637)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.

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(402): underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not. http://tfl.nu/wyas

Replies (5) Good night (1259) Bad night (703)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.

(907): View more from Alaska

I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.

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(907): I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year. (907): I'm going to miss going to the strip club though. http://tfl.nu/ub9e

Replies (2) Good night (1081) Bad night (657)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?

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(201): I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this? http://tfl.nu/60aa

Replies (6) Good night (1222) Bad night (725)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

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(774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n

Replies (7) Good night (1918) Bad night (687)
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(256): View more from Alabama

IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.

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(256): IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS. http://tfl.nu/wp8w

Replies (0) Good night (1018) Bad night (596)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!

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(724): If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF! http://tfl.nu/xzr6

Replies (14) Good night (1640) Bad night (935)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado

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(828): Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado http://tfl.nu/of4e

Replies (27) Good night (3645) Bad night (848)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.

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(616): Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila. http://tfl.nu/3l79

Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (471)
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(213): View more from California

Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.

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(213): Much like Dre, I was forgotten about. http://tfl.nu/kq3a

Replies (1) Good night (654) Bad night (385)

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