I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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