just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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