It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am one with the molecules
A+ Viking dick