singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.