You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.