So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.