I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Houston, we have a blender
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
