bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.