he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
