I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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