9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
