i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
