No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
