it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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