There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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