You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
