loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
