you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
