I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
