Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
