Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
