So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
