remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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