I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
