id be glad to
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
