I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
