So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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