I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
