..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
