Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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