You're my little dorito
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
