i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
