Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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