Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Drake has all the answers
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
