I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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