He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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