I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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