I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
