Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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