I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
