no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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