Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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