Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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