I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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