i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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