How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
