in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
