plz talk dirty to me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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