hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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