is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
