3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You pole danced in your parka.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
