Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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