So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
