Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
