guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
