The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
