fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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