Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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