I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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