I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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