dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
