The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
