so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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