I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
