i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
