u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
